Jun 11, 2012

I'm Here

Hello my fellow military wives. I know I have been a little, ok A LOT, mia. I don't even have a good reason, I just kind of ran away from everything for a while.

I hid in work and have tried to hid from my thoughts in the shuffle and bustle of life.

It is not a good thing to do I know, especially since I am on the downward slope of my first deployment. My husband, when I talked to him the other day, even told me that he doesn't know what's going on with me, my voice was/is off and he is worried about what that might mean.

Honestly, I was too for a little bit. I just became numb and super lonely.

No worries, I did not do anything stupid or even think that way! But I think everything with the deployment and the fact that for over 2 years I have hardly got to spend time with my husband is kicking my butt and making a huge crack in our relationship and in life.

I am also starting to get super nervous with the fact the deployment is almost over and life will finally have a chance to get to a "normal."

Jokingly {kind of}, I asked my friend the other day at lunch, "What if I don't like him anymore or our lifestyles actually don't match?" Again, I know this is silly but I also feel like it's a normal thought process for an Army wife right at the start and middle of deployment one.

My head is still reeling, as you can tell, but I am trying to get back to a more normal state of life and functionality. Blogging and connecting to this community is one way I am doing it. I am also starting to hang out with my friends again, as well as working out.

I hope all of you are doing well and I am happy to be back again!

May 28, 2012

Apr 29, 2012


This is what I have felt like these past two weeks.

So much for finding some balance...

Apr 15, 2012

Finding a Balance

I feel like I have just been living in a blur ever since Easter weekend, and yes I know it has only been a week.

Work is now in its busy season. I am actually at work more than I am at home, and when I do get home it's take the puppies to the dog park for a little outside play time, then I go right to bed. I also had to remind my friends and family that if I don't return phone calls, am slow to text back or don't want to go out on the weekends like I normally do to not take offense.

They just laugh at me, but I have to remind them because this haze that I am living in is only going to get worse as this busy work time continues.

I also had to end a phone call with my husband after 2 min the other day. I sent him an email later apologizing...How horrible is that? I only have so many moments where I can talk/skype with him on this deployment and I have a conversation with him that goes, "Hi, I can't really talk now, but I love you and will talk to you later."


It was that moment that I realized if I don't find a balance now it is going to snowball and wear me out.

How I am going to do this, not to sure yet. But one thing I do know is I don't want to have a phone call with my husband like that again.

Apr 8, 2012

Happy Easter

Was surprised by a little Easter bunny yesterday afternoon, courtesy of my husband.

I hope you all out their in blogger land are having a relaxing weekend with family, and remembering the true meaning behind it all.

Mar 25, 2012

Rock It!

This morning, my alarm went off at 4:30 a.m., I rolled out of bed, got dressed and headed downtown.

What was I doing this early on a Sunday? That's simple, running my first half marathon!

Yep, all that training I was talking about for months was finally about to pay off. I met a few of my run group members and crossed the start line of the Rock n' Roll half marathon at 8:15 a.m. The weather was a little on the hot side, and I had to stop at one of the medical stations around mile 6 due to a sharp pain in my foot thanks to my shoe.

2 hours and 45 min. later I finished the race and was greeted by a group of my friends.

Man, even though I have jello legs now it felt amazing.

So happy I get to cross running a half marathon off of my bucket list. Now, to convince my husband to run one with me when he gets back.

Mar 18, 2012

Military One Source

I am sure you have all heard about Military One Source  but I took the plunge and am actually using them.

This past weekend I was at my best friends wedding {fun post about that later this week after I go through pictures} and it was pretty hard seeing her tie the knot with the person she loves more than anything, while mine couldn't be there. Not to mention, I got to watch on the sideline for every couple song and watch as people were all "lovey-dovey." It's just hard to get through, sigh.

Plus, I have had a few rough patches with my emotions these past few months. Yeah, it's normal for the first deployment, and the one after that, and so on and so forth. So, instead of sitting in this happy/stressed/depressed roller coaster I decided to take action and get myself figured out. This will also help when the deployment is over so I can help my husband with the true support he needs.

As for the phone call to the counseling services department, it went well. The woman on the phone was very nice, helpful, and forgiving when I had to catch my breath every now and then to pull up some more courage. We were also lucky enough to get me connected to a counselor, 5 miles away from my home this week.

I am going to be completely honest, I was keeping my fingers crossed that it wouldn't happen so quickly.  Lame, yes, but it is a scary thing, finally getting the courage to ask for help then ~POOF~ you have it a few days later. The woman I am now going to start this lovely journey with sounded nice on the phone, but who knows. It's a stranger I get to go and talk to for an hour/hour-and-a-half about my life, I can't even talk to my bffs about a lot of this stuff and now I have to open up to a complete stranger.

While it does scare me to do this, I made the plunge to become happy again and sort my stuff out to make the life for me and my soldier better than when we started this whole thing. I will let you know how this lovely journey unfolds but I do think it's an amazing support we have as military families. We just all have to be brave enough to use it when we need too.

Mar 7, 2012

So True

My wonderful husband sent me this article, "What A Military Spouse Knows." It, once again, gave me strength at the right time to remind me I am not alone and stronger than anyone could imagine.

(click on the article headline to read the story)

Feb 29, 2012

Leap Day

I learned today why we actually have a Feb. 29 every four years, to make us {the Earth} catch up with the rest of the universe. Yep, true story.

Once my officemate and I looked up that information, we then started thinking back to four years ago and where we were in our lives. That would have been 2008 and I would have been ending my junior in of college. Not to mention, my husband was just my friend and I had no idea what I was going to do, other than party in my senior year.

Flash forward four years to now...in that time I got a dog, graduate, got married, made it through flight school, moved three times, landed my dream job, and did I mention started living through my first ever deployment as an Army wife. Wow, let me catch my breath.

After we had our flash back I then shot to this massive question in my head, what will I be flashing back to in the next four years?

Most likely and hopefully we will own our own home, I will have gotten a promotion or even moved on to a whole new job, my husband might be getting ready for another deployment, and {an even scarier thought for me right now} start our family.


You know what, I am really ok with all of those things if and when they happen. So I guess I am raising my glass and taking my LEAP.

See you in four years Feb. 29!